PAGE 86 of 366: to care or not to care?
well, i love to care..i love everyone who cares.
i have been thinking a lot of things especially this past weeks on how to control my mind and my emotions. my emotions are overpowering my thinking and when it happens i feel like someone else. i am not the person who will tell you what i want you to hear or to know, you just need to feel it!
im in a situation where my mind is thinking if im going to care or not anymore knowing that a lot people will be affected and will be involved in this kind of situation. i dont want to feel some pain this time and i dont want also to cause a pain to anyone. i just need to be still.
i can put back all the pieces they just might not fit the same!
Texas teen Ben Breedlove’s YouTube farewell moves Kid Cudi to tears
Rapper pays tribute after watching teen’s video, posted on YouTube just before Breedlove died of heart complications
On Christmas night, Ben Breedlove, a bright and engaging 18-year-old, died from complications of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM), an abnormal thickening of the heart’s walls. He had already outlived his life expectancy with the hereditary condition.
And while his story is heartbreaking, Breedlove has already left a legacy of warmth and hope that outshines the tragedy of his death: a video the Austin, Texas teen left behind has gone viral on YouTube, touching thousands of people who had never met him, and bringing one famous rapper to tears.
For more than a year, Breedlove had developed a devoted following on YouTube. Charming and witty, Breedlove would offer kids his age from all over the world advice on everything from dating to studying.
But the video he made just before Christmas was of a much more personal and intimate nature. He shared the details of living and often struggling with a disease that was supposed to have taken his life years earlier. He does so wordlessly, his message written on a series of index cards, as an instrumental version of Gary Jules’s Mad World played in the background.
The video, filmed in two parts, wasn’t found until just after he had died on Christmas Day, playing in the yard with his brother.
His mother, Deanne Breedlove, told the Austin American-Statesman that the videos brought an element of joy amid the grief.
“It was a gift to us,” she said. “And for him to be so confident and unafraid of death and to share it with other people was so touching.”
In his final video, Breedlove used notecards to describe the three times in his life he “cheated death”, surviving seizures that could have taken his life.
“I was never allowed to play all the sports that my friends did,” the cards say in his final message. “It kinda sucks that I missed out on that part of my life. I really just hoped that I could be the same as everyone else.”
The most recent seizure, Breedlove wrote, had only happened a few weeks earlier, after he passed out at school in early December. While paramedics worked to revive him, Breedlove said he had a vision that Kid Cudi appeared with him in a white room, while his favorite song, Mr Rager, played in the background.
When he came to, he wrote, “I then looked at myself in the mirror. I was proud of myself, of my entire life, everything I have done.”
Kid Cudi saw the video and was moved to write to Breedlove from his Tumblr account.
“I am so sad about Ben Breedlove. I watched the video he left for the world to see, and him seeing me in detail, in his vision really warmed my heart. I broke down, I am to tears because I hate how life is so unfair,” Kid Cudi, whose given name is Scott Mescudi, wrote.
“To Ben’s family: you raised a real hero.”
Be good to yourself. How can you hope to bring happiness to others if you are not happy?
Be happy — not because you are too foolish to know any better, but because you are smart enough to know you should be.
PAGE 80 of 366
i wanna go home..
magulo lang talaga utak ko ngayon at feeling ko karami kong dapat isipin at gawin. karami lang talagang nangyari this past days and i feel like i really need to rest from all the dilemma. pagod na naman ako..im in a situation na gusto ko lang talaga magpahinga..
tired na talaga ako pero may kailangan pa akong icheer na ibang tao para maging maayos din sila. masaya man ako actually pero magulo lang talaga utak ko na kailangan ko munang magpakalayo sa mga bagay na naging routine ko na..well, i really hate routines. gusto ko muna magpakalayo at mag-isip ng sobra-sobra kasi nauubos na ang understanding ko sa lahat ng bagay na patuloy na nangyayari sa akin. napagod na ako sa kaiintindi pero di ko rin naman sinasabi na maggive up. haaai pagod lang talaga ako sa lahat ng bagay.
T.T
pag hindi nya na ako maintindihan at di ko na rin sya maintindihan gusto na lang tumago at umiyak..gusto ko sumigaw at iparamdam sa kanila na durog na durog na po ako..na sana ako naman ang alagaan nila..puno na po ako nang hinanakit sa buhay..parati na lang nilang sinasabi na kailangan kong tumayo at lumaban pero wala na po akong maibigay kahit sa sarili ko. masakit na po masyado..nawala na po ang lahat ng kakayahan kong tumayo. gusto ko na muna pong magpahinga kasi wala na po akong maibigay sa iba.. pagod na pagod na po akong umasa at sobrang magmahal at magtiwla..wasak na po ako dahil sa pagmamahal na sobra kong ipinadama sa iba..akala ko ubos na po ang luha ko pero sa nalaman ko naman kanina akala ko ok na ako, hindi pa pala..ayoko ko pong mawalan pero parang doon na po yun patungo kasi umaatras na po ako at sa mga nalaman ko mas umaatras rin pala sya..pagod na po ako sa kahihila sa lahat ng minamahal ko..pwede rin namang mapagod, diba? kahit sandali lang iparamdam nyo muna ang pagmamahal mo sa akin..ayoko na,ayoko na.
hindi na po ako matapang ngayon..sobra na po akong mahina. di ko na po kinakaya..sinusukuan ko na po ang lahat..hindi ko na po kayang maging matatag..pagod na po ako sobra..hindi ko na po maintindihan ang lahat..pagod na po ako sa kakapretend na ok lng po ako pero sobrang hindi na po..pagod na ako sa kaiiyak,pagod na po ako sa mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa akin na kung gaano ako katapang noon..ayoko na po.AYOKO NA PO.AYOKO NA!
gusto ko na pong magpakamatay sa kahinaan..gusto ko na pong lumigaya..masakit na po masyado.MAHAL KITA PERO SOBRA MO NA PO AKONG NASASAKTAN KAHIT DI MO PO SINASADYA..ayoko na po.
Tonight i wanna cry
Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There’s pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I’ll never get over you walkin’ away
(Chorus:)
I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein’ strong meant never losin’ your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
Would it help if I turned a sad song on
“All By Myself” would sure hit me hard now that you’re gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It’s gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I’ll never get over you by hidin’ this way
I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein’ strong meant never losin’ your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein’ strong meant never losin’ your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
T.T
Sometimes I regret being nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and for making unworthy people a priority in my life.
“Welcome To My Life”
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you’re screaming?
No, you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No, you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding
No, you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like, what it’s like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No, you don’t know what it’s like (What it’s like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No, you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
About me
LIVE life to the FULLEST.keep CALM and LOVE.
(im not a good writer :D) - @kresill
